April 15, 2012

Letter of Resignation

(Disclaimer: If it's not for you, please don't ask any questions because I won't give any answers. *wink)

Dear you,

I guess I have to close this page of hatred in my life. Not that I so much wanted that proper closure thingy but I guess I just want to remove that little crappy thing that messes up my life journal. That was just so childish of me. And I just wanna make it clear that I'm not doing it because I wholeheartedly forgive you. Again, I still don't want to but it's now a lost case of hating, it won't yield anything good for me anyway. I am selfish in that matter because I guess you don't really deserve my forgiveness no matter how blurry the past is now. I am doing this forgetting for myself, not for you.

"The girl forgives you, not because she has become a saint but because she can no longer bear to carry this burden of hatred." - Aleph, Paulo Coelho

I admit that I was (AND I STILL AM) happy upon hearing the news. I want you to cry so bad, I want you to cry with all your heart, I want you to feel that excruciating pain of rejection and that dying feeling of being left behind for someone else. In my mind, I am rejoicing, with these clouds of thoughts forming on top of my head saying "How does it feel of finally meeting Mr. Karma?". Yes, I definitely want you to know how happy I am knowing that you are feeling that pain. And I am wishing for more to come. Let lightning hit me right now for saying these evil things, and I would gladly welcome it. I'm sorry for saying these things. These harsh thoughts sum up  only about 50% of my feeling during that time. And well, though I hate to admit it, I just want to be honest. Yeah, the other 50% is that of pity. Wow, amazingly my heart still goes out to you because I know how that excruciating pain of rejection and that dying feeling of being left behind for someone else feel. My pain was too much to bear at that time that I don't even want anyone, even you ironically, to feel it too. You're now tracing the steps that I used to take. I have a map to survival that I struggled enough to create, and I want you to find yours too because I also want you to learn how to fall into the abyss and seek for the ladder.

I've closed my door, and I am opening it again, and I hope this time it's for real. My friend told me not to take any actions yet because maybe I'll end up regretting it. You know, maybe you'll take that bait of you're-the-one-that-I-love-and-she's-just-a-fling cliche (which is more likely to happen because I know how that boy plays his game, and I know how stupid girls would fall into his trap). And if you do, well, I want you to get to know Miss Pride. Don't put yourself lower than where you are now. And if that happens, and we happen to be in good terms already, or maybe getting there, I guess I won't really regret anything. I guess I no longer care. Good luck girl.

April 14, 2012

Take that off and go green.

Ako si Leah :p
Goodbyes, goodbyes, goodbyes...(I can't think of any opening spiel...haha!) Goodbyes aren't always that hard. Sometimes goodbyes can be a welcoming experience especially when you feel that the place that you're currently on is now letting you feel of not needing you. No, this ain't a big thing. I just want to document this important transition in my life. I just turned from blue to green officially today. I used to be very proud wearing my blue ID sling because I belonged to the biggest account in our company. But time flies so fast and technology improves so great that we, the ever hardworking, patient and helpful technicians, are no longer needed by our super intelligent customers; and we have to get our lifeboat, save our souls, and let go of Titanic before it totally sinks. When I learned about my transfer, I have to admit that I was excited. The timing was just so right because the era of hating-the-alarm-clock revolution has already started. I used to get so excited going to work, not because I love my work that much, but because I loved the people I work with. I was always looking forward for each chika moments even if we were bombarded with calls. And that feeling had lasted for almost two years. I was always tempted to copy someone else's resignation letter but God always gave me moments with these people that told me to hold on. And so I did. But these past few weeks, I don't know. I just don't know. Needless to say, I am happy with my 21 months with the blue team (syet, dugaya na diay ui). Blue days are over. It's time for me to think green. Fingers crossed for my new account. With that, I warmly welcome myself. *tapping myself on the back *standing ovation for myself *shake hands myself =p

April 06, 2012

I Say A Little Prayer

An ultimate gesture of love is not when someone wraps his arms around us.
It is when One spreads His arms on the cross and dies for us.

Dear God,

I don't have the right to write something like this for I believe that I am not the person worthy enough to speak to You. My belief is raw, I sometimes question Your Existence, and my faith is rather weak. But You never get tired of letting me feel Your loving presence. I see You in my family and friends, with each happiness and sorrow, with each blessing and trial, with each achievement and failure. I haven't been a perfect daughter to You, I am sinful, and I have done a lot of bad things enough to crucify me. I'm like the rest of Your children who usually remember You during their darkest hours, not to seek help but sadly to blame You. But still You stayed. And with that, I am very thankful. I am still in search of my spiritual growth. And I may fail at times, but with Your Grace, I will soon see the light on my spiritual path. I pray that You won't get tired of blessing those people I hold most dear. Keep my family intact, healthy and happy, solve na solve na po ako dun. :)

P.S.: I am sorry if I didn't finish the mass yesterday. I was so hungry then, and honestly I should've stayed if the homily was a little interesting. Nakupoh...sorry. Will You include that in my list of sins?

Another PS., sana po magka-sale ako ng marami bukas.