March 19, 2011

not again!!!

I'm being biased. That's what I've realized after hearing again one of my friends' sentiments when it comes to a broken heart. My heart goes out to those I know who were hurt, and not even bothering to hear the other side of the story. It's mainly because I know how hard it is to be the one who receives the pain, the one who has given enough, the one who has loved more. When I hear that version, I usually become deaf of the other person's reasons, judging him/her, even to the extent of hating him/her for hurting someone. If that makes me bitter, then so be it. No matter what I do, I find it hard to forget the pain, the scar will always remind me of the tears I've shed and of my pride that's ruined.

Dear Past,
Stop tapping me on my shoulder. I don't wanna look back.

I sometimes wonder if forgiving the one who has hurt you is a prerequisite of moving on. Though the answer may be quite so obvious, we don't wanna hear it. That would be such a hard thing to do. It's our pride that's stopping us from doing so, for we thirst for revenge. We wanna get even just to save our dear pride. Yet sometimes, or well, usually, we end up being losers. Because no matter how hard we try, we still end up being hurt for fighting a losing battle. It hurts to realize that our efforts were just useless since the other person don't dare give a damn on what we do because, what the hell, he/she's already happy with someone else! What a very fair life, isn't it?

Oh, wow. This post just made it so obvious that I'm still consumed with anger. Well, just to make it clear, hope is nothing but a word to me now, in that instance, and hatred is what's first in my vocabulary. It's not healthy, but as they say, it's a long process. Well I guess, this should be where the word forever is applied. I've learned, in a painful way, that accepting the fact that he no longer loves you is by far longer than those times that he let you believe he loved you.

Oh, I need to stop. STOP! whew!
I'm just a bitter young fellow.


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