Ahmm, okay. Please send this letter to him.

Hi,

Do you still remember when I first said that to you? I guess not. You won't have to ask me though. I've saved every conversation we had on Facebook since day2 (day1 seemed so awkward for me then). Just so I can read them over and over again. Surprised? Well, yeah. I guess I've always loved you even I before I met you. It's a cliche, I know. But that's for real.

How long have we been friends? Oh, it's been 9 months now. And I've secretly loved you for all this time. 9 months is not just simply 9 months. It's hard to keep it all inside. I don't fall that hard with just about anybody. I did once before. And that had been tragic. And I've never felt more certain that I've fallen once again.

Yet, I guess I have to travel that same road of rejection again. You haven't given any sign of interest in me. Well, you don't have to worry about it. I understand. I'm certain that Im not your type. It's okay. I can handle it. Anyway, I'm used to it. I'm just freaking tired of doing this. I usually ask myself, "Why can't I just fall for someone who feels the same way that I do? Why does it have to be someone who won't love me back? Why does it have to be you?"

I'm currently watching "A Crazy Little Thing Called Love". How I wish I could say those things that I wanna say to you as bravely as what Nam did.

I'm a hopeless romantic. As always. And I guess this is the bravest thing that I can do. I don't even know if I can do more than this. I'm the most coward girl when it comes to love. So this is my best. Sorry.

If you're thinking that it's you, yes, you're right. It's YOU. And I'm writing this coz I can no longer contain it. I don't expect anything from you. I just wanna say it. If I can't say it straight to you, atleast I was able to say it HERE - where I first saw your smile and kind eyes, where we first met and became friends. Thanks for the likes and comments and the PMs. I know they will no longer come when you read this. But that's okay. Either way is a lose-lose situation.

So long...

D' Leonor Coffee Shop and Restaurant

Hmmm, how should I start with this one. If I can describe this place in one word, it would be WORSE. If you happen to know where this place is, I should warn you not to step inside this room with fully clothed tables and chairs because it's gonna be useless. The place doesn't know the word Customer Service. I don't even know how it manages to stay in business with all those lousy treatment that we got from the waiters. We were the only customers at that time but we felt that they would like us to eat our breakfast quickly and step out of their way as fast as we could. But still, we managed to still make some happy pictures:

Oh my, yeah, thank you for welcoming us anyway.


Rating:

Again and again...

2:12 PM 9/18/2011

Here it is again. I'm feeling this familiar feeling of sadness, emptiness and hurt. It's so sad when someone you like doesn't feel the way that you do. Worse is you have no one to share your feelings with because you don't want anybody else to know how ridiculous you are for feeling that way.

What's hard about being a girl is the risk of telling a guy that you like him. It's either he'll take advantage of that feeling or keep his distance from you. Either way is a losing battle. That's why I'd rather keep this feeling to myself and just treasure this friendship thingy that we have.

There's this certain girl who happened to be my officemate who's flirting with him and almost all their common friends know it. Okay, 1-0. Yeah, I'm jealous. And I don't wanna be. I don't want anybody else to know that I am.

Isn't it ironic when a lot of guys out there would be willing to be with you but that only person that you long be with is not one of them? Why do we always have to choose to love those people who can't love us back? Why does it have to be so hard?

To you, 

I like you. I really do. But I guess we can't be together because He wants you to be with someone more deserving than me. It's just so sad knowing that I don't fall that easily with just about anybody, and then you came, and I did, and that's it, nothing else follows. A bitter truth that we can never be together is just too unbearable. But well, I can manage. It's just that I've been on this road once, and I don't wanna go back again. It's just too tiresome. And yes, it's ruining my pride. But I guess I have to turn my back on you.

So long,

Me

22 on 22! (It's my burpday!)

12:50 AM 8/23/2011

Wow! That was memorable!

I just turned 22 yesterday. And that was one of the happiest birthdays I've ever had. We had a small pre-celebration with my mom and bro at our boarding house on the 21st. I never slept until midnight to check on some birthday greetings on FB, and let me just say, that was quite a lot (haven't even checked on some of them yet). And just after a couple of minutes after midnight, I received my first text greetings. And guess who sent it! It was Allen! And that, just that, completed my day. I couldn't wish for more. The rest of the day went great. My father called at dawn, greeted and said Iloveyou. My mom and I had lunch at SM. My FB wall was flooded with a lot of greetings. Also received multiple greetings on my phone. And of course, to end the day perfectly, I, along with my gay friends Jana and Jules, went to party at V-place with my favorite Flight 99 band. I felt like a VIP. The spotlight was always on me (char!) and Mackie (the vocalist) and Fender (the keyboardist) kept on greeting me. The vocalist of the other band, who was also cute, kept on staring at me (according to Jules though. I hate to assume that he was looking at me and not at the girls behind me. Lol!) I just felt so special (and beautiful! harhar). I haven't got the chance to capture the moments though. But still, that was enough. I'm happy. I love being here in Davao. Thanks Lord for the smiles. =)

sick, bored and lonely...

4:19 PM 8/4/2011

I don't wanna feel rejected again...

Have you ever checked on someone else's profile every so often? Or how frequently you clicked the chatbox just to know if there's a green dot beside his name? Seriously, it's crazy. Worse is when you see that he's available on chat and yet he's not chatting you. And you're feeling disappointed for imagining that he's now busy chatting with someone else and that green dot hasn't disappeared for hours now.

I don't know if he already noticed it. And I don't wanna think that that's the reason why he no longer gets in touch with me (though we don't constantly get in touch that much though). I just don't wanna feel rejected again.

I feel so sick...and lonely. ;(