https://yankeexray.wordpress.com/

I am saying goodbye, not of blogging but of Blogger.

My Jam,

I have said a lot of hurtful things to you, voiced out a lot of complaints, raised my voice higher than what I need to, caused you a lot of stress with my constant tantrums and headaches with my unimaginable corny questions, but you're still there, patiently loving me with the best that you have, with all that you can possibly give, even exceeding it and forgetting your well-guarded ego just so you can prove to me a million times how much you love me. I don't know how I can ever express the same love to you. You've got a lot to give it's so overwhelming. I don't know how to express mine except to be there for you as well. I will be here for you, I will keep you, I will give you the best care that I am capable of, I will not leave you, I will forever be your little girl and your biggest fan. Please know that I love you so much and that I will never ever leave you.

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People these days often judge your relationship status based on what you post on social media. The sweet captions, the happy profile pictures, those are what they believe to be indicators that, well, they are in love. But love, when you think about it, is not just how showy people can be, or how sweet their words are, or how they show other people how much they enjoy each other's company. Sometimes, love is seen in the most subtle way, on how he cares for you, how he values you, how he respects you, how he treats you, how he sees you, how he sees your future together. I guess those kinds of love are what others can't really see right away. Those are the kinds of love that don't really care whether people will swoon over it and get the most likes when posted. Because those are the kind of love that come from the heart, seen from the heart, received through the heart, just basic, nude, and pure, and that is something that people on social media can't read nor understand.

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Fingers tightly crossed

Oh God, please don't. I'm not ready yet. Please, please, please.  🙏

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Goodbye.

From this day forward, I am making a promise to resolve myself in keeping my negative thoughts to myself and this blog and just project happiness and/or emotionless posts in my social media accounts.

Thank you.

070815

It's a gloomy day today. Egay was out and Falcon is in. I never really cared much about typhoons before until I came into the big city where flash floods are a common thing. Way back when we were young, my siblings and I would just tuck in bed and sing our hearts out as loud as the rain. Sometimes, we would be permitted to go out and dance in the rain. Ah! Those priceless childhood memories.

It's been almost two years since I first stepped into this great unknown. It wasn't in my life plan to work here in what I think is the most stressful city in the country. But fate did take its toll and here I am, unbelievably loving every inch, or just almost, of my new life.

I used to think that it would be good to work in the government, with all those benefits and all being bragged about by my government employee parents, aunts, uncles, etc., but never thought much about it and here I am now working my ass off (chos) for the love of our country (hashtag 'ParaSaBayan). Thankfully, I did survive the mind-crushing battlefield called the CATS training. (I just finished washing the dishes and now I'm out of words. Ugh, this usually happens that's why all my posts are just saved in Drafts)

To be continued...hopefully.

Someday.

Someday, we'll lie on the sand.
We'll watch how the sun sets quickly and slowly at the same time.
We'll listen to the people's loud laughter and to the gentle splash of the water.
We'll feel the soft cool breeze and the soft, milky sand beneath our skin.
We will then look at each other, and forget how beautiful the sun sets, why do people laugh, how pleasant the waves sound, how soothing the breeze is and how fine the sand is.
We will forget who and what is around us.
We will just remember why we are where we are.
We will realize that even though the sunset isn't beautiful, the people's laughter are noisy, the waves are angry, the breeze is fierce and the sand is rough, the world remains a magical place because we are looking at the most precious thing God has ever created for us.
Someday.

Loud.

In the winds I will just whisper
Hoping my words will find your ears,
Sing songs of love and longing
Hear my heart, your name it's screaming.

Silence please.

Sorry but I can't listen to all your
senseless drama. My ears are already
tired of listening to my own.

I am.

When I hear or read someone else's confessions about how they are loved, I just smile to myself and say, "Well, I am such one damn lucky girl."

O21815Z

Sukli

isang linggo na
isang linggo nang dinadala ang bigat ng konsensya
konsensyang minsa'y natatakpan ng galit
galit na naging dahilan ng pagbitaw

kagabi,
nailabas ng hindi sinasadya
parang ilog ang luha na di mapigilan ang pagdaloy
sino may kasalanan?
si ate sa tindahan na binawi ang biniling redhorse
binawi kasi walang panukli
putang ina
walang panukli

loko.

-O21715Z